Forum | My First Bear

Well no ah wudn' be to hasty thar, it just t'weren't Mule season.

Dang Stevie, it's nie onta winter, cain't ya keep them dang math qwestchins to one digit, it's too dang cold ta hafta keep takin' ma shoes off, 'n no, I ain't peelin' the ducktape offa the ends t' make it easier either~

Da'yum… That looks like one of those A&W bears. Your lucky you gotta outta there alive. Steve… you might wanna make a run to Toys R' Us and pick up a few Mr. Potato heads to cook up with that A&W bear. Regular taters just won't go with it!

Hey y'all,

Well there ah wuz drivin all night to get down ta Stevie Huber's place in Tennessee.  Soon's it got dark I wuz dodgin' deer left and right with ma old pick up, and all the Dunkin' Donuts places wuz closed for the evening, and I wus sufferin' from a bad case of white-line fever.

I wuz headed to his place to go do some deer huntin' at his invite, and hoping to save some time ta get into the woods a mite early, to get the lay of the land so to speak, so I stopped inta the local Wal-Mart 'n just picked up ma Tennessee outta state huntin license. 

Thank God I'm an old fella, that pimple faced young buck behind the counter wanted proof of a huntin' safety course, but I finally found ma driver's license'n showed him ma age, well he just shaddup and gave me ma license without much more fussin. I wuz tired as could be, 'n at that point wus kinda wishin' I was still up to ma trailer in West "by God" Virginia.  Heck, there's so much woods where I live, I don't gotta bother with a huntin' license, sides that, I get more deer with the brush buster bolted to my truck than most'a the hunters git anyhow.

Well I headed back outta Paris toward Stevies place, when I spotted a crowd'a folks around this burger joint and wondered what the fuss was about, that's when I spotted this heah bear about to maul some kids.  Poor kids didn' know what was about to happen to em, so I jumped outta ma truck and slid that shotgun out from that hidin' place built into ma camo seat covers, and slid a couple deer slugs into the chamber 'n shot that dang bear as he wus bout to maul a couple kids with them oversized paws'a his.

Well by God I didn't need that second round, that ol' bear fell right to the ground without even a moan.  I thought most'a them folks would be grateful I saved their kids from a maulin', but they began kickin' up quite a fuss 'n callin' me names and such.  Folks down here in Tennessee ain't as sociable as the folks back home. Ain't none of em hunters, and none of em offered to gimmie a hand gettin' that bear in ma truck neither, I had to wrassle that big sucker in there by m'self.

Well Stevie, I'll be t'yore place shortly.  Tell yer wifey to fire up the oven, we're havin' bear steaks fer dinner tonight, and they're on me buddy.  Hey have 'er check and see if she's got any taters to go with them steaks.

See ya soon buddy`